I’m at the level of tired where I know I’m not going to fall asleep and the sound of someone breathing makes me want to go on a murderous rampage.
(Sorry babe. Roll over.)
OH MY GOD
i went into the bank and asked what day it was and the teller said “march 26th” so i asked “and the year?” and she kinda looked at me for a second before saying “2012”. i threw my hands up in the air and yelled “IT WORKED” before turning to leave.
THEN AS I WAS JOGGING OUT OF THE BANK SOME OTHER DUDE CAME UP TO ME LIKE “HOLY CRAP, YOUR MACHINE WORKED TOO?” AND WE HIGH FIVED AND RAN OFF.
WHAT IF HE WAS ACTUALLY A TIME TRAVELER
Am I the only person who falls asleep holding their phones in case someone calls/texts them?
i want to kiss you, i want to lay down with you on the couch and fall asleep playing on my playstation. i want to get to know you and share my strongest feelings with you.i wanna boop you on the nose while i sing corny 80’s songs to you.
food? no… friend
I like how the hamster’s fear response is to just eat faster like
If I’m going to die, it should be with a full stomach.
it jUST STUFFS ITS FUCKING FACE I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING AT THAT
That’s like me when I have food and don’t wanna share